A series of Q's, but no A's.

Decisions. Decisions. Desicions. Graduating next month. I'm not entirely sure what I'll be doing, where I'll be doing it, where I'll be living, if I'll be living with anyone? Now is a time of change and transition. I mean, life is always a transistion. Nothing is permanent and stagnant, however my life up to this point has been somewhat stable and slower moving. All this momentum is building up. And to what I do not know for sure.

I wrote this in class.

It's short, simple, but sweet.

Hope it helps out all ya'll!



Who am I?

What am I?

What makes me happy?

What is my own personal happiness?

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

What is important to me?

What experiences define me?

What role do I want Buddhism to play in my life?

What role do I want me life to play in Buddhism?

Are impermanence and non-attachment two ideals that I can truly attain?

What obligations do I have?

What is my purpose?

Why am I here?

What is it I'm intended to do with this life?

What will be my life's work?

Do I live in the past, present, or future?


I live in the present.

There questions will be answered in due time.

One must be patient.

I must be patient.

An Ode to Me

ODE TO MY YOUNGER EAST SIDE

I GUESS I AM OUT OF THE CLOSET! WHAT BEGAN AS AN INNOCENT, POSSIBLY MISUNDERSTOOD STALKING MISSION, HAS ULTIMATELY GIVEN ME ANOTHER PLEASURABLE AVENUE TO HANG WITH U. IT ALWAYS AMAZES ME HOW MUCH WE ARE ALIKE. IT IS UNFORTUNATE ABOUT THE SICKLIER BLOOD THAT INVESTS OUR WATERS, BUT WE ARE THE PRIVELAGED AND ENLIGHTENED ONES THAT ROAM THIS INTRIGUING AND QUIRKY PLANET. yOU ARE MY EARTHLY HERO, MY LOVELY PRINCE, AND BETTER HALF! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

pLEASE CONTINUE UR WRITING AS U R THE TRUE STAR WITH WORDS!!!!... fUCK IT IF U DON'T LEAD US ALL TO ENLIGHTENMENT; ISN'T THAT WHY U DATE A BUDDAH?

PS,

I STILL WANT A BEACH HOUSE

I rather like it. Thank you big sis.

WARNING: Do not read the following blog if you are in AA

For me, alcohol always evokes connotations of people I have known and memories I have experienced.

My father- always smelled of Budweiser
My grandmother- boxed White Zinfandel
My grandfather- Vodka Martini's
My sister- red wine

My throat still burns from the Makers on the rocks I drank tonight.

I can't sleep.

I have heartburn.

It made me go into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Funny how drinking can make you go stark raving mad.

At least whiskey.

I'm able to associate many great moments in life with particular libations.

I remember;

Smoking cigars and drinking Dewars on the ocean at midnight for my 21st Birthday.

Every delicious yet potent blue cheese martini I've ever consumed at the hands of a gorgeous Irish bartender at Puck Fair, and the conversations and banter that followed them.

Cheap pitchers of McSorelys and stagnant air of frat boys and old men at Cheapshots.

Home made margaritas on warm and not-so-warm nights.

Sweet and tart sangria with open store front summer breezes at Bua.

Every secret stash I've hidden in my sock to get through security at a concert.

All the to-go drinks concealed in plastic bottles I've enjoyed in Tompkins Square Park.

Crushed up ice, cranberry juice + Malibu = Mates of States, and love.

Various glassware clanking, cheers-ing, and even breaking.

The anticipation of what to order at a bar, who you're going to meet there, and having random conversations with the bartenders all include my summation of a true New York City moment.


Maybe I'm just a drunk.

Or maybe I just really enjoy this life.




This blog was dedicated to all the drinks I've had in the past 21 years, and all the drinks I have yet to consume, and all the wonderful family, friends, and loved ones who have been consuming them with me over the years!

Race and Merlot, Merlot and Race

Running water soothes my ears.

Tepid Merlot quenches my sobriety.

Pitter patter of Beagle feet warm my heart.

Papers that are due the next morning give me a headache.

How am I supposed to have a strong thesis statement for a paper when I don't have a strong thesis statement for my life?

Why do people who haven't came into your mind in years suddenly appear from nowhere and insincerely ask you, "How are you?"

Why do white people insist on using Ebonics and sound foolish?

How come I seem to always be walking in the opposite direction of everyone else getting off of the Essex station platform when the exit clearly is not marked one way?

Why do we make things so hard for ourselves when they could be so easy?

What does Apartheid have to do with me?

Gender? Race? Class?

Do you think it's easy being white?

Mills says, "All whites are beneficiaries of the Contract, though some whites are not signatories to it."

If I personally, as a white male, was not accepted into the NYC Teaching Fellows Program because I am a white male, and therefore not a "diverse" candidate, then tell me how I am benefiting from this Contract?

People still judge me by the color of my skin.

I both benefit and suffer from the system.

I did not as to be trapped amass a series of seemingly unrelated societal constructions.

Why do you think society has so many flaws?

I think we try to shove squares into circles.

Race. Racism. Racialization.

Grape. The Vine. The Vineyard.

We will never be equal.

People will never have the same gender. Nor the same skin color. Nor the same yearly salary. So brother, why can't we all just be satisfied with what we got?

Instead of focusing on what we don't got.

I got a lot.

Amen.

-Cracker

AIM conversations are antiquated?

Seeing as I have other, more "important" work to do this will not be the blog that will spark a change and create a revolution that will break all power relationships and free us all from the prison that is the man. At least, not today anyway...In the meantime enjoy this nonsense.

itsaprivateparty (12:05:25 PM): let the great experiment begin!!
JusBabyCp (12:05:40 PM): Is that a song lyric?
itsaprivateparty (12:06:02 PM): it's from arrested development but it's in reference that to the fact that I am about to begin my paper
JusBabyCp (12:06:17 PM): I started a blog
JusBabyCp (12:06:22 PM): and i want to write in it
JusBabyCp (12:06:24 PM): but i cant
itsaprivateparty (12:06:32 PM): lol, we are seriously so ridiculous
JusBabyCp (12:06:33 PM): for obv reasons
itsaprivateparty (12:06:42 PM): obv
JusBabyCp (12:07:08 PM): Did you have a lot of sex this weekend?
JusBabyCp (12:07:09 PM): lol.
itsaprivateparty (12:07:21 PM): enough
JusBabyCp (12:07:26 PM): good for you.
JusBabyCp (12:07:39 PM): sex is the opposite of writing a paper.
JusBabyCp (12:07:43 PM): the day before it's due.
itsaprivateparty (12:07:50 PM): oh my god, yes it is
itsaprivateparty (12:08:06 PM): I would ratehr do almost anything right now, even run a mile'
JusBabyCp (12:08:09 PM): the water isn't running in the shower
itsaprivateparty (12:08:19 PM): that's no good
JusBabyCp (12:08:21 PM): oh dear
JusBabyCp (12:08:23 PM): yes
JusBabyCp (12:08:24 PM): id
JusBabyCp (12:08:27 PM): do so much
JusBabyCp (12:08:35 PM): for dr. nayak and malone to spare my life
JusBabyCp (12:08:46 PM): id go to church
itsaprivateparty (12:08:48 PM): oh and of course, I come to the tea lounge to concentrate and all they are doinng is playing beatles songs, all of which I know of course
itsaprivateparty (12:08:54 PM): oh man, I duno about that
JusBabyCp (12:09:07 PM): is the tea longue in your hood
JusBabyCp (12:09:16 PM): there's this 24 hour bar/cafe on my block
itsaprivateparty (12:09:18 PM): right across the street from me
JusBabyCp (12:09:18 PM): called lotus
JusBabyCp (12:09:23 PM): you can get beer or coffee
JusBabyCp (12:09:29 PM): but it's so distracting
JusBabyCp (12:09:39 PM): with WIFI and such pleasentries as beer who can get work done
itsaprivateparty (12:09:43 PM): yea, although, I find the tea lounge less distracting than my apt
itsaprivateparty (12:10:26 PM): only because there's no other stimulation than the internet, here I can just look up and see little kids singing beatles songs (actually happening)
JusBabyCp (12:10:31 PM): What can be said of procrastination?
itsaprivateparty (12:10:44 PM): not much, it's wasteful and endearing, lol
JusBabyCp (12:11:07 PM): Endearing and wasteful, brotha.
itsaprivateparty (12:11:26 PM): heh, alrigth, I really have to get started...only 5 pages to go
JusBabyCp (12:11:35 PM): It has to be 5 pages?
itsaprivateparty (12:11:35 PM): it'll flow like melting snow
itsaprivateparty (12:11:39 PM): 5-7
JusBabyCp (12:11:44 PM): Let it flow...
JusBabyCp (12:11:51 PM): I don't even have the book!
itsaprivateparty (12:11:56 PM): hahahha
itsaprivateparty (12:12:01 PM): you're worse than me
JusBabyCp (12:12:02 PM): I'm going to have to go to Barnes and Noble first
JusBabyCp (12:12:10 PM): Cheers my friend!
itsaprivateparty (12:12:12 PM): oh man, try the library
JusBabyCp (12:12:14 PM): GL
itsaprivateparty (12:12:19 PM): they have it at the mid-manhattan one
JusBabyCp (12:12:30 PM): The Racial Contract?
JusBabyCp (12:12:37 PM): I could just buy the book and return it.
itsaprivateparty (12:12:38 PM): oh, no country of my skull
JusBabyCp (12:12:46 PM): You're writing on that?
itsaprivateparty (12:12:48 PM): ok, well, gl
JusBabyCp (12:12:50 PM): I own that one.
itsaprivateparty (12:12:50 PM): yea
JusBabyCp (12:12:54 PM): GL, indeed.
itsaprivateparty (12:13:04 PM): latttteerrr